I’ve been feeling pretty guilty about not blogging lately. Yet another great thing I’ve started and lost interest in. Sort of feels like the story of my life. I pick something up- Go hard- Then put it down once I feel like my efforts are far greater than the benefits I’m getting. Sounds awful doesn’t it?
Maybe its not that bad, maybe its just my way of survival. Give my all but retreat when its cost is too great. Hmmm. I’ll have to think about that a little more…
Anyway, I think my guilt over my lack of blogging has been fueling my lucid dreams. (Also, just a theory. I mean I have a whole lot of emotions and interactions causing such emotions that I’ve been trying to sort out lately) But anyway, let me tell you about these dreams.
On Monday night I dreamt that I went jogging with someone, he wasn’t a stranger per say although I couldn’t put a face to him, not anyone I recognize in real life…. it was a Hispanic guy, perhaps a love interest in my dream. We were jogging when suddenly some guys recognized him. I didn’t think anything of it until my partner picked up the pace. Survival mode kicked in and I ran for my life. Why didn’t I realize sooner that this love interest was up to no good? Why did I get myself into something like this when I work so hard to do things by the book and live a righteous life? The guys after him are looking at me like I’m some kind of joke for messing with a busta like this. I manage to hide out in a restaurant but even the employees in there seemed to be shaking their heads at me in a “you can run, but you can’t hide” type of way…
I woke up.
I say this was a lucid dream because the entire time I knew I was dreaming. I felt so uncomfortable watching myself struggle and not know what to do. I felt uncomfortable knowing that this person was up to no good but I was still trying to stick by their side. What was I doing? Why was I having this dream?
The next morning as I was fueling my truck before heading in to work I was staring at my feet when suddenly a grasshopper landed right in front of them. I let out a breath of relief. Relax Barbara. Whatever it is (because I honestly don’t know what it is), it’s all going to work out, I thought to myself.
Fast forward to that evening, and boom another lucid dream. This time I’m preparing to marry someone. Again, someone I really don’t know much about. This guy however gives me the total opposite vibe of the guy in my last dream. This guy is a nice guy. Too nice. A pushover of sorts. And I’m going to marry him! We are making arrangements from one day to the other. He mentions that he doesn’t really like his vest or tie so I make arrangements to have them changed to something he likes. I want it to be his day too. The nice guy in my dream works in construction, he’s wearing an orange work shirt and I wake him from a nap in some sort of basement. We head off to a Mr. Tux location and I remember thinking that the wedding is happening so fast we literally didn’t have time to invite anyone… Meanwhile, the real me, the me that knows I’m dreaming is thinking to herself, what the hell are you doing? You’re going to marry him for the sake of a wedding? You don’t know the first thing about him! Do you know what people are going to say?
I wake up.
Morning routine is going smooth and I take the same route I took the morning before. Not my typical route but it was a smooth ride the day before so why not? I’m at a stoplight and a dragonfly flies across my windshield. He lingers for a while as if waiting for me to acknowledge him. I gave him an “I see you”, you know, that gesture you make with your chin, and I continued my drive to work. Not without thinking about what these dreams and physical signs were of course.
I get into the office before anyone (oh yeah, side note: I’ve been getting to work on time lately. Not just on time, early! I know, who am I?! Anyway, I get into the office before anyone) and I immediately google a grasshopper. It’s a sign of good luck. A dragonfly? It means transition and adaptability. And my dreams?
Well I’d like to say I was able to find a dream interpreter online but the reality is I found myself doing what I do when I read my horoscopes: picking and choosing the things that I like and discarding the rest of the sites. Ha. So, if any of you have any thoughts on these dreams let me know. In the meantime, I’m going to start blogging and I’m cutting back on cookies before bed because these dreams are no joke!
Oh, and just in case…
I know you’re trying to tell me something but I can be just as dense as I am smart so, um, let a sista know in layman terms ORRRRR put this blog post on a psychologist’s radar. Please and thank you!
I am grateful for all my readers!
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